I keep telling myself this is nothing to worry about. I'm late.
Stress will do it to ya, so I'm keeping my asshole crossed (don't even ask, it's an awful expression Sid and I use between each other). But when I count back the days, I just feel like screeching. It was supposed to have started on what day? The beginning of the month?!
And I am just totally in denial about it, because I feel all PMS-y, and I'm so sure every day when I wake up that today is totally going to be the day. And it isn't. And I didn't even really think about it that closely until this week.
This is bad. Baaad. Only with lots more a's. Now, you know that's just awful.
And I know, without a doubt, that the day I break down and pee on the stick and get that negative result will be the same day Miss P finally arrives. Because that's always how it works. She makes me waste my money and time and wee, and then shows up all "O HAY, I BET U WUZ W0NDERIN WHER I B!!!1!1!11!eleventyone". The bitch.
Just watch it be the real thing this time, though. Oh, that would be just my luck. Hey starky, you wanted a kid so badly, HERE YA GO! And Sid? Well, he'll be overseas. He gets the easy job. All you have to do, starky, is cook the kid and show up at the pier with it 10 months from now. Oh Siddy, what a homecomng, eh buddy?
I sort of casually mentioned to Sid the other day that I was still waiting on the bitch, and he gave me that squirrelly look and then laughed and said "oh, the little abortion that got away." We are such sick fucks.