Saturday, May 15, 2010

heading for a... something

Sid has not been working dependable hours: he works nights sometimes, he works days sometimes, and more and more frequently, he's been having to go in on his days off. So when he is home, it's understandable that he wants some time to relax and do what he likes.

The only problem with that is, that leaves me no time to relax and do what I like. When Sid's at work, I'm at home with Spagett. When Spagett is sleeping, I'm trying to do housework. When Sid's at home, I'm still with Spagett, still trying to snatch time for housework.

I am going to go crazy.

As I type this, Spagett is on his play mat beside me, freaking out. Not crying, just getting really pissy. And it is grating on my last damn nerve, but I so want this time to get this frustration out somewhere, because I feel like I could cry. I could just break down sobbing right now.

When we decided to have a baby, we had assumed, wrongly, that Sid would be home more. That everything would not be falling on me. Spagett comes with me to my goddamn therapy sessions, for fuck's sake, because Sid is never home to watch him for an hour or so. It's fucking ridiculous, and I don't know if I can keep doing this. I am losing my temper with Spagett more and more, and it's horrible of me, and I feel terrible for it. It just keeps snowballing.

I don't know what to do.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You can do it. :-) Babies are hard. I don't enjoy the baby stage AT ALL. Give him a few months (I know, it sounds like forever right now) and it will get easier to work in more "me" time.

You don't know me, I just happened upon your blog a LONG time ago and you write so well, I keep popping in to see how you're doing. That probably makes me sound like a stalker. Honestly, it s just so refreshing to read something that isn't all cheery and wonderful all the time. Hang in there, as cliche as that sounds. :-)