Sunday, April 6, 2008

on tenterhooks

Since my appointment on Thursday, Sid has called every day to ask about the lab results. And while I'm glad he's doing his best to be there for me, I can't help but be irked at the fact that it took a doctor saying "Yes, there is something wrong with you," for him to sit up and take interest. Because I feel the same as I did yesterday, or even a month ago, which is to say I feel like shit, and he never asked how I was feeling then. Maybe he thought I was pretending?

Right now, there's a few things that the doctor suspects, namely hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia. I'd be lying if I said I was relieved, though. I don't want there to be anything wrong with me at all! But I keep telling myself that a diagnosis, one way or the other, isn't going to be a huge deal. It's going to change my life, yes, but not in a bad way. Whatever's wrong with me is the same thing that's been wrong with me for a while now, and that's not going to change. What is going to change is the way I feel right now. I'll have a name for this, and a way to deal with it, and that will make all the difference. A year ago, I didn't feel this bad, and hopefully, a year from now, I'll be able to look back on this moment and say I'll never feel that bad ever again.

1 comment:

Queermo said...

You will feel better sooner than you realize.